You Only Turn 4,978 Once!
by RivendellWriter
Summary: Elrond decides to throw himself a birth day party. And I mean, why not? You only turn 4,978 once! Hopefully Gandalf won't blow up the cake again this time. Now up: Legolas has perfected the subtle art of eye rolling.
1. Elrond's Announcement

**Welcome to my new story! I hope things work out with this fic, and that it brings amusement to someone... even if only one. **

I do not own Lord of the Rings, ect

Please read and review! Just so you know, I will respond to all reviews posted. :)

_This chapter is dedicated to all my fellow Elrond fans. I know you're out there somewhere.  
_

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"Everyone, I have an announcement to make!" Elrond yelled excitedly as he burst into the room, grinning. 

The various members of the fellowship looked up at him in amazement.

To the relief of the rest of the room's occupants, Gimli and Frodo's checker game was resigned due to the much more… interesting subject on hand. The two had been arguing for the past hour over whether or not Gimli had indeed made a fair move, remarkably enough cornering Frodo's last piece.

"Have you ever seen him smile before?" whispered Merry, looking at Elrond with concern.

"No, I don't think so. Maybe he's sick," returned Pippin.

Elrond continued with enthusiasm, "You are all invited to my birthday party!"

"A birthday?" interrupted Aragorn, "You still celebrate those after what, four thousand years?"

"Yes," Elrond returned to his customary frown, "And if anyone messes it up this year," he gave an accusing cough, "Not to mention any names, _Gandalf_, there _will_ be consequences!"

The accused wizard looked guiltily down at his pipe.

"It wasn't _my_ fault that I accidentally left one of my fireworks inside the cake when I made it. How was_ I_ to know it would explode when the candles were lit?" Gandalf muttered to himself.

"Sam?" asked Elrond solemnly, "Can I trust you to make a cake?"

"Well, yes," began Sam, "But—"

"Good!" yelled Elrond, his face beaming like a child's, "Then it's settled! Sam will bake the cake! Aragorn is in charge of decoration! Gimli, party games! Pippin, Merry, party invitations! And as for you," the elf pointed at Gandalf, "just stay out of the way this year, can you handle _that_?"

"Fine," Gandalf sulked, "But don't come asking for my help when your birthday party is lacking my planning pizzazz!"

"Good," Elrond smiled again.

Legolas leaned over and whispered to Merry and Pippin, "Maybe you're right. I think he _is_ sick!"

"Now," shouted Elrond eagerly as he ran out the door, a grin covering his normally grim features, "I'm off to get matching napkins!"

Silence followed as everyone pondered their assigned roles.

Gimli scratched his beard thoughtfully. "When he says party games… do you think means _drinking_ games?"

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Good? Bad? Funny? Terribly unfunny? I only know if you tell me... 

-RW


	2. The Subtle Art of Eye Rolling

I do not own Lord of the Rings, ect. Please remember the two R's: Read and Review!

First, I'd like to give a warm thank you to those of you who took the time to review. Your comments are all appreciated!

**huzzah**: Well, thank you… I think. :)

**BlackRobedMagelet**: Yes, the characters are admittedly rather OOC in this fic. But I'm glad you liked it!

**Jedi Buttercup**: Thanks for the information! I had no idea how old Elrond would be, so I just guessed. It turns out that I'm over 2,000 years off. Oops… :) Despite the errors, I'm glad you found a bit of entertainment in this!

**Sophia solo**: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hmm… a drinking contest between Elrond and Gimli? It's an amusing concept, to say the least!

**Note**: Thanks to **Jedi Buttercup** it has come to my attention that the age listed for Elrond in the title is at least 2,000 too young. I have decided to leave it as it is since I have no idea how old Elrond _actually_ is. (Besides, I've become rather attached to the number 4,978). However, be aware that it is extremely inaccurate due to my own poor guessing abilities.

Now, on with the story!

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And so, the various members of the newly formed "Project Partay" (so named by Pippin) went their separate ways, all beginning their different yet equally dangerous quests… 

"So _this_ is the party store?" Aragorn gulped, glancing nervously between his guide and the building in question.

The blond-haired elf looked up from examining his fingernails. "Well obviously! Why else would it be called 'Middle Earth Party Supplies'?" He rolled his eyes. "Honestly Aragorn, sometimes I wonder whether those orcs actually _did _knock all of your brains out!"

"Well," the King fidgeted anxiously. "I was just… just… wondering if this was the right one."

"Aragorn, this is the _only_ one."

"Uh… I knew that." He continued to shift from foot to foot, making nervous glances at the door.

Legolas began to ponder the very interesting rock at his feet.

"So…" Aragorn coughed and mumbled, "Willyoucomeintothestorewithme?"

"What!"

Aragorn turned a very un-kingly shade of red. "I said, 'will you come into the store with me?'"

"Why would I want to do _that_!" Legolas scowled. "It's not my job to get the party decorations, and contrary to popular belief, I would rather _die_ than have anything to do with decorating something!"

"But… but…" he stammered, "I can't go in there alone!"

"Why _not_?"

"Um…" The King traced a large 'A' in the dust with his boot toe. "Well, you see…"

Legolas glared at him, tapping his foot impatiently. "Come on! Out with it!" Suddenly his eyes grew wide. "Don't tell me you're broke!"

Aragorn frowned at the elf. "No, of course not. I _am_ the King of Gondor, am I not?"

"Then what is the problem!" he fumed.

Glancing around suspiciously, Aragorn leaned in close and whispered, "You have to _swear_ not to tell anyone!"

Years of friendship with the eventual king had perfected Legolas's eye-rolling technique down to an art form. "Fine, I swear."

"But what if you're lying?" he shouted, panic overtaking his normally calm features.

The blonde elf just closed his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "Why does it matter? And who would I possibly want to tell anyway?"

"Swear by the power of the One Ring and the beauty of Galadriel that you will not tell anyone of what I say here today!" Aragorn insisted.

"Fine." He gave a resigned shrug.

"Say it!"

If this kept up, Legolas's eye-rolling would be better than even Elrond's by the end of the day. "I, Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, do swear by the power of the One Ring and the beauty of Galadriel that whatever Aragorn, King of Gondor, says to me here and now will remain secret until the day I die."

"Good." Aragorn said with relief.

"So what's the big hairy secret?"

Aragorn leaned in and began to whisper once more, "Well, you see…" Pausing, he blushed and looked down at his boots.

"Yes!" hissed Legolas impatiently.

Taking a deep breath, the flushed king continued. "You see… I'm afraid of clowns."

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Being an average human being, I cannot read minds. :) Please review! Contructive criticism welcome! 

-RW


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